"Self-love is just an excuse for self-indulgence and laziness"
"Self-love is just an excuse for self-indulgence and laziness."
I also bristle at this ubiquitous term that seems to be the salve for any and everything.
It evokes images of "there, there," and lazing around.
How can self-love be the answer when really what we need is to be smart, capable, prepared, hard-working, and strong...all that just to barely keep our heads above water, where the only thing left standing between us and total overwhelm is that beloved coffee we have a death grip on.
Throw self-love in there and it seems like the whole carefully balanced insanity show would simply collapse.
Self-love seems soft. Or maybe just for women.
Definitely not for men.
But really, what IS the difference between self-love and self-indulgence?
Actually, self-love is the opposite of self-indulgence.
We haven't been taught that it's okay to take care of ourselves.
We've only been taught to consume - that is, indulge - as a way of honoring our human animal.
Think about it - did you ever receive any official education around healthy emotional, relational, communication, or sexual practices?
I sure didn't. We are bombarded with messages to eat sugar, drink, or go out and buy entertainment to deal with stress and worries.
But real self-love is about knowing our worth, standing in our power, setting and honoring our boundaries, taking responsibility for our emotions, and having the courage to do what we need in order to show up as our best self even if it's unpopular.
Self-love means we are deeply connected to ourselves, and we listen to what our human animal is trying to tell us.
We are not stuck in a constructed story about reality and living out a bunch of "shoulds."
Instead we are connected to our moment-to-moment reality, and we have the courage to speak our truth without trying to
control the outcome.
You can see that this is the opposite of eating potato chips and watching movies on the couch all day.
Self-indulgence is NOT about taking care of ourselves. It's about feeding addictive behaviors and numbing out.
Self-love is a practice for the brave: those who can listen to what our being is asking for AND have the discernment and compassion to give ourselves what we need (as opposed to what our addictions want) in order to THRIVE, on ALL levels: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
Sometimes this looks like unpopular things, such as: rest, time alone, walks in the woods, changing your diet, going on a media fast, or getting more non-sexual touch. (Or maybe even dancing, on the beach, preferably!).
Some signs that we have internalized the idea that we don't deserve to actually take care of ourselves:
Do you beat yourself up for the slightest inefficiency or error?
Is it hard for you to say "I love you" or receive it from another?
Do believe that if you are respectful to yourself then you won't get done what needs to be done?
Drop me a message and I’ll send you a practice to help.