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How not to be lonely

July 1, 2018

 

* Talking about myself is selfish

* Asking questions of other people is an imposition

* Asking for help is a sign of weakness

*Emotion should have no place in decision-making

*If you're not working all the time, you're a lazy good-for-nothing wasting your life

Sound familiar?

It's heartbreaking really when we lay it all out.

These messages are ingrained in most of us.

But they turn us into lonely, frustrated, scared, overworked automatons.

And the worst part is, they're not even true:

*Talking about our personal lives builds connection, and stating our wants and needs is a vital part of healthy relating (why do we think it's okay to make others guess what we need?!)

* Asking questions about others' experiences is a way to care and connect

*Asking for help when you need it builds trust that you will actually be able to do what you say you can do. It is a strength and shows courage and also builds connection.

*Our emotions are inextricably linked to our thoughts. We ignore the signals from our body and over-prioritize thoughts at our peril - good decisions take into account all our available sensory data.

*Rest is key to our health on every level, and it helps our brain to have unstructured time to daydream and find insight.

I know as a scientist, giving inspiration some space and opportunity to strike was key to making progress on seemingly intractable problems.

I've worked with many men who felt stuck and isolated due to following unconscious programming such as this.

You don't have to stay stuck.

Check out my new group for MEN - Deep Masculinity: Sex, Power and Freedom for the Modern Man - where you will get insight, confidence, and camaraderie around this, #metoo, sex, and more

Drop me a message to join!

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