May 21, 2019

“I’m an atheist but I see god in your eyes.”

“I love the way you receive me.”

When was the last time you looked for god in your woman’s eyes?

(It doesn’t have to be so esoteric: everyone sees the endless depths of the universe in the eyes of babies, for example. So whatever you call THAT - when was the last time you looked for this in your partner?)

When was the last time you saw her, REALLY saw her?

I’m not talking about the outside.

I’m talking about her deep inner beauty. Her feminine essence and all her life experiences that have shaped her. How she carries herself.

Do you celebrate her for being a woman and appreciate the wisdom of all of her seasons, or do you find her cycles and moods irritating? Do you look for the messages her body has to give you, the insight into you and your life, or do you dismiss the feminine as unreliable and irrational?

A lot of men want to know how to ‘make’ their female partner want them more.

You can’t make her do anything. Once that energy is present, you’ve...

May 17, 2019

The sexiest thing a man ever gave me...

it wasn’t an actual thing.

It totally surprised me.

It sent my respect for him through the roof.

Turns out, it’s the easiest way to help my nervous system open and relax.

You want me to pause, open, and trust you?

This is it:


More precisely...permission to be myself.

To feel whatever I was feeling, even if wasn’t PC.

To be not know what exactly I wanted.

To take my time.

To change my mind.

This is permission:

“I’m here and I want to be with you, take your time.”


“It’s okay if you’re angry, I’m not judging you for it, you can let it out”


“I understand if you’re not sure what you want yet, let’s be in that space together.”


“We don’t have to stay here if you’re cold and hungry, I’ll go home with you.”

Permission TO BE MYSELF.

What a relief.

Cause I don’t know about you, but I sure get stuck in an imaginary life full of ‘shoulds.’

Rigidly following perceived duties. Trying to measure up to an idealized self.

And then I’m not in the moment with a person. I...

February 4, 2019

Your anger is helpful.


*That feeling* ~ the energy coursing through you, the heat, the tightness, the burning, the urge to lash out...

These are signals that YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION.

What needs to be protected? What has been transgressed? Where did you not honor yourself?

This does not mean you don't act to protect yourself or set healthy boundaries. And you may need to go let it out.

But you do not have to let the anger control you.

Anger is not bad. In fact, there are no "bad" emotions.

This is the #1 thing I see that cuts us off the most from happiness:

*beating ourselves up over feeling*

"I shouldn't be angry"

"I shouldn't be jealous"

"I'm more evolved, haven't I learned? How can I still possibly be feeling this?"

When did the goal of life become making all our uncomfortable emotions go away?

That is straight-up crazy. It's like saying: eventually I should evolve beyond needing to pee. If I need to pee I'm a bad person.

These emotions are natural reactions of our physiology. It is harmful...

January 2, 2019

When do you let yourself get wild?

Let yourself go into your deep instincts?

We’ve lost the ritual spaces where we can be witches and warriors.

Yet women crave this deep embodied instinct from a man.

And men ask to make love to me as Kali, the wild witchy dark goddess.

(this isn’t me as Kali - that’s a different, longer story - this is me all sweaty in the jungle after ecstatic dance RAWR)

This primal, wild part of our nature has been so shamed.

Yet in hiding it, repressing it, it doesn’t go away - it just comes out in hurtful ways. Uncontrolled rage. Overwhelm. Picking fights with our loved ones.

How do you embody your WILD?

December 9, 2018


(and Pleasure)

Where do you ALREADY feel powerful in your life?

You may think you don’t feel powerful anywhere. But look where you don’t normally look. For example:

  • Chopping wood, carrying heavy things

  • Powerful by your intellect,

  • Power in your finely-tuned awareness

  • Your ability to to be kind

  • The power in your body to give pleasure as a lover

We were taught not to celebrate ourselves, not to claim power, lest we lose ourselves to pride.

Well, use your discernment: don’t lose yourself.

Now, where do you feel powerful?

Power doesn’t have to come from not putting anyone else down. That is a brittle power, dependent on external sources. Lasting power comes from within. For example: knowing your own worth, delight in your body’s vitality, strength, and ability to take care of someone, and the power to give your lover SO much pleasure with the male body.

In tantrik psychology, one of the realms we get stuck in is “hell realm”, the essence of which is victimhood, which...

August 23, 2018

This is going to be an unpopular thing to say:

You do NOT ‘create your own reality,’ simply by your thinking.

This ‘you create your own reality’ implies that if I don’t like my reality, I can simply think my way out of it, and it’s my fault for making it this way in the first place.

But I crossed over into spirituality from science, and I don’t just readily accept these truisims that float about.

This one seemed like a lot of magical thinking. Also, try telling this to someone who wasn't born with privilege, and you can see how ridiculous and shaming this is.

In practice, this phrase is another way to make us feel bad about ourselves.

Beat ourselves up.

Feel “not-enough.”

Because it’s saying that if we don’t have what we want, we simply didn’t police our brain enough or think the right thoughts to manifest it.

This is HOGWASH. Horseshit.

AND it’s actually HARMFUL.

Policing your brain or trying to force yourself to think the ‘right’ thoughts is a form of self-hatred.

We cannot control what happens...

July 1, 2018

* Talking about myself is selfish

* Asking questions of other people is an imposition

* Asking for help is a sign of weakness

*Emotion should have no place in decision-making

*If you're not working all the time, you're a lazy good-for-nothing wasting your life

Sound familiar?

It's heartbreaking really when we lay it all out.

These messages are ingrained in most of us.

But they turn us into lonely, frustrated, scared, overworked automatons.

And the worst part is, they're not even true:

*Talking about our personal lives builds connection, and stating our wants and needs is a vital part of healthy relating (why do we think it's okay to make others guess what we need?!)

* Asking questions about others' experiences is a way to care and connect

*Asking for help when you need it builds trust that you will actually be able to do what you say you can do. It is a strength and shows courage and also builds connection.

*Our emotions are inextricably linked to our thoughts. We ignore the signals from our body a...

May 31, 2018

Do you long for freedom more than anything else?

My clients often tell me carry many heavy responsibilities - supporting the family, stuck in a job they don’t like, mortgage, caring for their parents, spending all their free time transporting the kids around…

There’s not enough time to sleep, much less to make love with your partner like you both used to love.

Sometimes the desire to be free is achingly loud, and you want to run away.

Where is there space for you?

Pushing away, running away, won’t get you freedom.

And it might very well get you loneliness instead.

How do you find this sense of freedom you are yearning for then?

What if I said that the only way out is through?

Join the deeper discussion in my men’s group ~ Deep Masculinity: Sex, Power, and Freedom for the Modern Man

Subscribe to my site and write me a message for entry!


May 15, 2018

"Self-love is just an excuse for self-indulgence and laziness."

I also bristle at this ubiquitous term that seems to be the salve for any and everything.

It evokes images of "there, there," and lazing around.

How can self-love be the answer when really what we need is to be smart, capable, prepared, hard-working, and strong...all that just to barely keep our heads above water, where the only thing left standing between us and total overwhelm is that beloved coffee we have a death grip on.

Throw self-love in there and it seems like the whole carefully balanced insanity show would simply collapse.

Self-love seems soft. Or maybe just for women.

Definitely not for men.

But really, what IS the difference between self-love and self-indulgence?

Actually, self-love is the opposite of self-indulgence.

We haven't been taught that it's okay to take care of ourselves.

We've only been taught to consume - that is, indulge - as a way of honoring our human animal.

Think about it - did you ever receive any offici...

April 6, 2018

Asking for help is an admirable sign of strength.

Sometimes I have the honor of working with people who have never before in their life considered talking about sex, love, and relationships with a stranger.

From a client:

"I'm so grateful for you. I feel like I can speak completely frankly with you. You create a really comfortable environment for this work. There isn't anyone else in my life who I can talk about these things with."

When something isn't working, we often think it's our fault.

That's because we've been sold the myth that once we find 'the one', it's supposed to all be a perfect fairytale.

This is a harmful lie.

The truth is, very few of us were taught ANYTHING about how to have healthy relationships and fulfilling sex lives.

We educate ourselves in every other aspect of our lives - it's admirable to learn calculus, study great poetry, learn to drive, build rockets, program computers - but learning how to relate?



And when it comes to the sexual parts of our bodies, ou...

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Come alive, love passionately, and be your best self

 Scientist and yogini Dr. Ananya Harvey inspires thoughtful men to awaken from frustration and shutdown into a life of freedom, power, and love.



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